i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
