I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
