why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
