How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize