apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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