She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
