I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's always time for handjobs
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
