I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
