I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
