Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize