i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
