You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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