I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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