You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
