as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
