So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
