I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
