Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
