My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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