Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
