maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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