i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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