I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
