Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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