5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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