Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
