i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
