Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
