So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
