U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
