I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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