I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
