bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
