If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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