I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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