The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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