i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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