I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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