just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
