I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
