My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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