I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
