I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
