Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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