Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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