Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
