blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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