since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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