Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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