Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
