Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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