My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
