she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
