Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
