His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
