He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
