Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
