someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
