love makes seman taste better
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
