i can't believe i had my finger in that
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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