You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
