Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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