I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
