While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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