I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
