Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My pussy is not your playground.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
