Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
