I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Fuck appropriateness.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
