Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
