I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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