You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The adults are the big ones right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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