i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
