There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
be right there i have to get my cape
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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