please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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