You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
