after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
