he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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