he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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