Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
