all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
