take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
