you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize