Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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