True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize