How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
