WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
