i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
