remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
