My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i will never coherently bang her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
