she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
