getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize