I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
