I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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