people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize