11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
