can we get nightvision for the apartment?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
