i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
