very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
