Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
